I am finally making friends in this area. Maybe.
We moved here in 2012, and I started a blog to make friends, and make online friends I did, though slowly because I am easily overwhelmed, and I wasn't willing to let a lot of people into my life at once (which is weird for a public blog, I know, I know), and because it's just so plain exhausting, this friend-hunting business.
Anyhow, I have known for some time that I really ought to try harder to make some IRL friends. But like in pursuit of work outside the home, my feet have been dizzy (as Maggie would say).
I sing in a choir and often go out to a bar with some of the ladies, and they're fabulously fun. I have a book club, and the people in it are sharp and witty and compelling (though I am somewhat intimidated by being the only one without a JD or PhD). But I don't have a bud to call up for a drink or a movie date.
And sometimes, just sometimes, when I take a break from my projects and my books and my blogs, I miss that. The thing is, when you're a SAHM in a community where SAHMs are rare, how do you make friends? My friends have usually come from school or work. Your children make lousy friends. And should.
Anyhow, all of sudden, there are four women who clearly want to be friends with me. I'm struck by this: these women are are actively seeking me out for friendship! I am both flattered and terrified.
I have to go on dates with these women and make small talk to see if we can make deeper talk, and this prospect just about brings me to my knees. The anticipation, the awkwardness if it doesn't work or until it does, the anxiety! I'm no good at this kind of thing.
I have emails and texts to answer confirming open dates and possible meeting times, and I just want to ignore them. At this moment it's hard to imagine any loneliness more painful than trying out a friendship in person.
But I will. I will pull my hair out of its hair band and meet for a drink and try to relax and be the realest me I can be. And we'll see. Maybe they will still like me, and it will get more comfortable. Maybe.