Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Make New Friends...

I am finally making friends in this area. Maybe.

We moved here in 2012, and I started a blog to make friends, and make online friends I did, though slowly because I am easily overwhelmed, and I wasn't willing to let a lot of people into my life at once (which is weird for a public blog, I know, I know), and because it's just so plain exhausting, this friend-hunting business.

Anyhow, I have known for some time that I really ought to try harder to make some IRL friends. But like in pursuit of work outside the home, my feet have been dizzy (as Maggie would say).

I sing in a choir and often go out to a bar with some of the ladies, and they're fabulously fun. I have a book club, and the people in it are sharp and witty and compelling (though I am somewhat intimidated by being the only one without a JD or  PhD). But I don't have a bud to call up for a drink or a movie date.

And sometimes, just sometimes, when I take a break from my projects and my books and my blogs, I miss that. The thing is, when you're a SAHM in a community where SAHMs are rare, how do you make friends? My friends have usually come from school or work. Your children make lousy friends. And should.

Anyhow, all of sudden, there are four women who clearly want to be friends with me. I'm struck by this: these women are are actively seeking me out for friendship! I am both flattered and terrified.

I have to go on dates with these women and make small talk to see if we can make deeper talk, and this prospect just about brings me to my knees. The anticipation, the awkwardness if it doesn't work or until it does, the anxiety! I'm no good at this kind of thing.

I have emails and texts to answer confirming open dates and possible meeting times, and I just want to ignore them. At this moment it's hard to imagine any loneliness more painful than trying out a friendship in person.

But I will. I will pull my hair out of its hair band and meet for a drink and try to relax and be the realest me I can be. And we'll see. Maybe they will still like me, and it will get more comfortable. Maybe.




24 comments :

  1. Now see... I would NEVER question your insecurity of being in a friendship. NEVER! You are such a kind and generous soul and I can't imagine anyone ever NOT liking you, trusting you, WANTING to be your friend.

    Take those courageous steps, my dear sweet FRIEND. You will soon- so very soon, be glad you did!!!

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    1. I do better online. I'm so introverted that friendship in person is exhausting to me and often doesn't seem worth the effort. Isn't that crazy?

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  2. It is so hard to make friends when so many people aren't SAHM. Shoot, it was hard back when my big kids were little and lots more women did. Even extroverts like me have trouble. You've made it through the hard part. Now it's just fun! Don't overthink things. Relax. Friendship,the good, lasting kind, takes time. Give it the time it needs.
    I will now stop giving advice like I'm your mother. :)

    Have a good time!

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    1. Well, you give good advice even if you aren't nearly old enough to be my mother!

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  3. yay for you - its really wonderful to make friends, and become friends - we are living here since 1999 and basically we don't too many neighbors - I work and hardly see any neighbors, having said that there a handful of neighbors we have gotten to know and hung out with , it started 5 five years ago because you guessed it our kids - play dates, birthday parties... its great and scary at the same time - go have fun!

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    1. I just get so panicky even when I have a comfortable relationship with the person. The trials of being an introvert...

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  4. Advice from a man may be inappropriate but in the piece you have written here there is plenty to interest people without concentrating on the SAHM aspect if that is unusual among your acquaintances. The most important thing is to be interested in other people and hopefully they will be the same with you. Everybody is different that is good in itself as we learn from observing others lives.

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    1. Not at all inappropriate! I agree with what you say; I just worry about people liking me!

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  5. I think when I was a SAHM my friends became the parents of my children's friends. Rarely did the relationships go much deeper, although, now that the kids are grown, there are still some who are friends I still see. I think you'll find a comfortable and easy friendship after you get past the awkward stage. On line friends are always there too.

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    1. But when your oldest has special needs and is introverted and anxious like you, you don't interact as much with other moms because she doesn't interact much with other kids. She and I are happy to hang out with each other! :) I may have better luck with my son's friends.

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  6. I wish we lived closer together *sigh* I haven't had a close friend to do that kind of thing with in over ten years. Seems every one I am friends with is better friends with someone else. (I may be a Scott, but I'm a SHY Scott.) Try to relax and have fun and be the awesome person you are.

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    1. Me too!!!! We could watch old movies together. But not at your house because I'm allergic to cats. :)

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  7. I can so sympathize with the discomfort of stepping out in search of new friendships. I am tragically bad at real-life friendships it seems, though I've put my whole heart into more than one. I am so proud of you for making efforts and plans, and being determined to find a few women you can enjoy sharing life and time with. It sounds like you are going about it in just the right way, and I' m believing you will be successful. As for those credentials, most of the people I know are far more educated and talented than I am, yet we each bring something to the table that the other respects and enjoys. Real friendship is a matter closer to the heart than the brain, and from what I've read of your blog I think you'll make an awesome friend! Thank you for joining us at Two Shoes Tuesday today, I hope you will again!

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    1. Thanks for this kind and thoughtful comment, Josie. Another thing is I'm not completely at home in this community. I'm not much of a driven or ambitious person, and that's more common around here--for both parents, it seems. Special needs moms is a good circle for me, though. Parents are more relaxed in those.

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  8. Ohhhh my dear you are such a sweet lady - you're gonna be FINE. Bless your boots :) GO FOR IT and well done. We're behind you every step.

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    1. Yeah, I'll be fine. I was just feelin it one night so I wrote it.

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  9. I would so go out with you if we lived closer. And because I know exactly how you feel on this topic I am simply going to say put on your big girl panties and do it.

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  10. I bet the other women are nervous too, and if they aren't they are probably lying. I hope at least one of them gels with you, Sarah!

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  11. OOH friends! I have dizzy feet when it comes to making IRL friends too and so really only have one in this area... I wish you lived closer. Let's try harder to do lunch okay? Please? I so hope one of these lucky women becomes your go-to person for drinks and movie dates!

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    1. Good use of "dizzy feet" there, Kristi! And yes, let's!

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    2. I am an introvert, but I have learned to push myself a bit and take the first step and ask someone if they would like to have lunch. Then if they say yes I try to get a time set. I don't have a lot of friends but the ones I have are wonderful and most friendships happened because I took the initiative, even though my heart was beating in overdrive with fear. If I can do it anybody can.,..go for it.

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    3. And now I have! And I think it went well!

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